Thursday, January 6, 2011

One has diamonds in his pockets, the other one wants to buy you rockets...

So I know it's been a while since my last post, and I'm very sorry about that, but I have been a very busy girl! I should be reading even now for class, but there is something I kinda wanted to write about... and it is not SO much weight-related, but it isn't something I'd want to write about on facebook for fear that people will think that I'm talking about a certain someone in particular or even themselves.... or in general just reading too much into it, as is very likely to happen on facebook.
This quarter I am taking the class English Novel, which, as the title suggests, focuses on british novels and how they came about and such. Today the prof discussed how the British novel first came about and it's conventions. She mentioned how novels were special in that they were a combination of romantic and realistic writing, and that they seemed to provide solutions to the problems that their probable readers were having... not so much that by the end of the book society as a whole was better, but rather that the main characters who had an issue were able to resolve it and live happily ever after. My professor used Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen as an example. The bigger problem in the novel is how class division leads to unjustified prejudices. The smaller, specific problem is how Mr. Darcy from the upper class and Miss Elizabeth Bennett from the lower class are unable to see eye to eye at the beginning of the novel because they both have prejudices against each other due to their different classes... However, at the end of the novel, a bridge has been built between these two classes and they are able to resolve their differences with one another, fall in love, and live, presumably, happily ever after. Though that society has not changed.... people still have issues with the meshing of classes (ex: Lady Katherine Debourgh, pardon my spelling)... the problem for the characters we care about have been resolved. My prof barely mentioned that another issue Pride and Prejudice brings up is the problem women have of being able to sort the truly good guys from the charming guys. But at the slight mention of this, my mind started working on that topic. It's true. That is a huge issue in all of Austen's books... Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth needs to decide between Wickham and Darcy-- Wickham is charming, her family loves him, he's the seemingly good man, but it's an act... He is only out for immediate pleasure and for everyone's approval. Darcy is seemingly prideful, her family hates him, but that's only because he doesn't put on an act or show, his good deeds are all the more good deeds because he doesn't flaunt them for everyone to see, he is truly a good man. In Sense and Sensibility, Marianne needs to choose between Willoughby and Colonel Brandon... Willoughby is the charming, fun, young man who her family adores and who she adores because he says and does all the "right" things.... Brandon is older, more poised, more thoughtful, less exciting and thus seemingly "dull", but he is honest, trustworthy, and loyal. In Persuasion Ann must choose between Mr. Eliot and Captain Wentworth.... Mr. Eliot is someone her family loves, looks the part, can bring a title, is charming, says the "right" things, etc.... Wentworth had to work for his title, her family hates him, he doesn't bring a title, but he doesn't put on much of an act, and he is truly a good man (albeit a little misguided in my opinion at times). In Mansfield Park (though I hate the book), Fanny must choose between the charming and rich Mr Crawford and the plain and poor Edward. I'll end there, but I think this is probably why Austen's books have endured for so long... their relatability to things that happen even today. Sure, Austen is clearly advising that women be careful of the man who is simply acting the part, but if she were to stop there, I think her books would not be read as much as they are. She shows exactly how difficult it is for women to decide which is really the good man, and then goes on to show how difficult it is for a woman to defy even her family for the right man.
This is something I've been thinking a lot about lately, actually. Since losing my weight, more guys have become interested... a LOT more interested. And I like it, don't get me wrong, but at the same time, it's made things a lot more complicated. When I say this to my dad, he just laughs and says, "Oh, wa, what a problem to have. Would you rather go back to having no guys interested!?" And, no, that's not what I want, but at the same time, it's still so hard to deal with. Why? Because I dunno which one is the "right" one.... now, hold on a second, and hear me out. No, I don't believe that there is one and only one person for me or for anyone. I may be a romantic, but I know enough that that is not that case. But, as Jane Austen points out so many times, some guys put on acts in order to get the girl he wants or even just to get public acceptance, and some guys are truly good guys, but because of a past or because he doesn't put on an act, not many people would agree that he is a "good" guy, or rather the "right" one. Does that make sense? And before you go thinking that I'm thinking of particular people, that's not exactly the case. Yes, I do have a couple guys in mind while I'm writing this, but the issue is much larger than them. Because one might suggest I just "dump" these couple of guys that I have in my mind and go for a new crowd of guys, but the issue is still the same: How do I figure out which guys are the truly good guys from the ones who are just putting on an act? And why should I "dump" one of the guys because it's not as clear cut as everyone (including me) wants it to be? I mean, my feelings on these guys are pretty clear cut, but the situation is all sorts of confusing and messy. Jane Austen would be rolling her eyes right now and would problem say, "After all the millions of times you've not only read, but watched my novels, you're STILL unsure what to do?? What sort of fan are you!?" And sure, yeah, I know what Jane Austen would have me do-- she'd have me go for the one I know is the better man despite what everyone else thinks and says and just let them come to it on their own. But that's a BOOK. It's fiction. I know I can't base my life off of what happens in a fictional story and what a woman would have said who has been dead for a couple hundred years, and who didn't exactly have a successful romantic life herself. This is the sort of issue I was able to avoid before I lost the weight-- For one, I didn't have numerous guys to choose from... I didn't even have ONE to choose. For another, I don't think guys felt like they had to put an act on for me then because of my weight, does that make sense? Like, they didn't feel like they had to go out of their way, act a certain way to impress me because it's not like they had a lot of competition anyway. Now I think because I look the way I do, guys automatically assume they have competition, and will act a certain way to impress me, "act" being the keyword there.
Anyway, this is an issue I'm trying to deal with. It's getting easier. I have found that though I don't necessarily have to choose the "right" one now, I don't have to deal with the Willoughbys, Wickhams, Eliots, and Crawfords of the world either. I'm hoping that soon I'll be as courageous as Elizabeth, Ann, and Fanny (I won't say Marianne, because she didn't exactly choose, the cruel truth was sorta forced on her)...
Anyway.... sos you all know, I did gain a little over the holiday seasons, but now I'm back on track and hopefully I'll be back to where I want to be SOON! I'm working out again (as my sore muscles would be glad to testify to, I'm sure), eating healthy again (no sneaking chocolates at night... I mean,seriously, who was I trying to kid by eating in the dark and alone? Like somehow that would make it so the calories would not show up on the scale. Oh brother.) and now trying to learn to do it on a more manageable budget. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season! And, for a shameless plug, keep in mind that registration for Weight Watchers is free this month! It's an amazing program that WORKS! I PROMISE!! :)
Have a good one :)

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Before/ After pictures...

Again, all one would have to do is go to my facebook to get these things, but I've decided to put my before/after pictures on here too... just because it makes sense lol....
As for an update.... I went to England for my big trip my dad promised me as a reward with my mom and it was absolutely wonderful!! There wasn't a second I didn't enjoy! And I know a major part of that is because I was fit enough to enjoy it... I wasn't so excessively tired that I couldn't enjoy St. Paul's Cathedral even though we walked quite the distance from the Tower of London and then climbed the 528 steps to the very top... in a dress.. and sandals. I kept thinking on the top of St. Paul's "If you were 125 pounds heavier, you would not have seen this..." It made me so much more grateful and proud of my accomplishment... and so extremely happy for all the support I had over the last year and 8 months. I've now been home from vacation for almost 2 weeks and have started my training at WW... which I can already tell I'm going to love! I mean, what beats being able to help other people feel proud of their accomplishment or encourage them to keep working towards being a happier, healthier person!?
So I had lost 123.8 pounds to get to my goal... but I've lost a further 1.2 pounds even though I'm just trying to maintain right now... so I've lost an even 125. I've been maintaining for a month and I have two more weigh-ins til I become a lifetime member!!
Again, thank you everyone for your continual support... I'll continue to write on here every now and then to talk about my weight loss thing... maybe slightly different in nature (more about coping with what I look like now rather than trying to lose weight stuff), but I hope it'll still be helpful. Love you all!!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

"I've got a new life. You would hardly recognize me I'm so glad" ~Ace of Base

I was thinking of foregoing the post this week. I haven't written the last few weeks... Plus, I broke the big news on facbeook, so it's not like any my "readers" don't know what happened. Yet I've decided to write this post anyway for myself in the future. Yes, I know... how very dramatic of me haha... But seriously, I want to make sure I don't go back to how I was... so I figure if I have something like this at my disposal, it may be easier to maintain.
I have reached my goal :) After 1 year and 7 months (to the very day, how cosmic is that!?), I have lost 123.8 pounds!! Ok, so some of you may be thinking "Wait, on facebook it says 124.8" and some may be thinking "But if you look at what you lost in conjunction with last weeks number, obviously it's just 123.6 pounds"... but here's the thing... sometime at the beginning of my weighing-ins, one of the receptionists did the math wrong, so I've always lost .2 more than what my tracker says.... the other number is because, probably out of excitement, the WW leader who wrote down the number in my weight tracker wrote it down wrong-- did the math wrong... which I found out later. BUT, if you subtract what I started from what I am now, you get a whopping 123.8 pounds!!!
So the big reveal!
On November 8, 2008 I weighed in at 253.6 pounds, wore a size XXXL shirt, and a size 24 pants. My ring size was something around 10 or 11 and I wore size 9.5 shoes. As of June 8, 2010 I weighed in at 129.8. Depending on the brand, I wear anything from a XS to M, but mostly Smalls. I wear a size 4 pants. My ring size is 7 and I wear size 8 shoes. I know, I know... it's weird to think my feet even shrunk, but there's no doubt about it... Definitely have smaller feet now, which is really strange. But I guess it makes sense... not just that fat can be stored there, but if I'm carrying all that extra weight around, my feet must have been swollen from it all. There are some other measurement changes that are even more astonishing, but I'll keep those to myself haha.
There are things that have changed that I really didn't think would be effected by my weight loss. For example: I'm much cleaner... my car and bedroom in particular are much cleaner. Because I don't go through drive thru fast foods as much anymore, I don't have take out bags littering my car. My night stand, which used to be constantly littered with half eaten tubs of ice cream and candy bars, just has books on it and a glass for my water. Now, my bed continues to be unmade-- so that has stayed the same haha-- but all the same, I'm cleanER than I was :)
Then there were the things I knew would change that I was so excited to have change that have, indeed, changed hahaha.... For example: I fit VERY easily into movie theater seats now haha. It's so weird now to think that at one time the arm rests dug so deep into my thighs that I'd have huge red marks on my thighs by the end of the movie. Now I can have my arms lying by my side and STILL not touch the arm rests.... but that could also be because of the next change: I can cross my legs!!! hahaha, I don't think you guys understand how uncomfortable it is for a girl as short as me who can't cross her legs when she sits... But now I can! And now I find that I cross my legs even in the most weirdest of places... like you wouldn't expect to have someone cross their legs in the car, I don't think, but I do. It feels so good to be ABLE to do it, that I can't help it haha. I can also cross my legs indian style in a chair... like at a desk at school. Yeah. Never thought that would happen haha.
Shopping is nicer now too. I used to hate shopping, and now it's one of my favorite past times :) I don't even need to buy anything... I just like looking and trying stuff on. Gone are the days when I got something solely because it fit. I can now get things because I like them and not get things because I don't like them :)
The guys thing... which I have written about so often on this blog... is still an issue, but it's not the same issue I had before. I think I'll always be considered the "best friend/sister" type to any guy who attempts to get to know me. I don't know what I do wrong, but I throw off a definite "let's be friends" vibe, unfortunately. I still have yet to find a guy who attempts to get to know me and has not gotten that friend vibe haha. But, one change is that guys who don't attempt to get to know me now seem to pay more attention. "Mall guys", as my sister so aptly named them, have made going to the mall alone an uncomfortable experience. When I'm with a friend, I don't seem to notice it as much, but when I'm alone, it's uncomfortably noticeable that I'm getting the "OK" from them. Like my sister said, "It's like you can see they're undressing you with their eyes"... it makes me feel objectified and violated. Though, not all this attention is bad... more doors are opened for me, waiters are more attentive, cashiers are kinder.
The thing is, the biggest change and the most important change I've witnessed is in myself. I can't believe how much happier I am now. I mean, I still have bad days like any other normal person... but as a whole, I feel so much-- lighter-- not just weight wise, but spirit wise. I'm more ready to have fun and be happy-- whereas before I think it was like I was daring people and events to try and make me happy and have fun, you know? I know I carry myself differently because of this... I'm more open... I feel free (as crazy as that sounds)... I'm more comfortable with who I am and what I like and what I don't like. It's hard to put into words, I guess... or at least write it down. I think if I were to TALK to someone about it, it would be a lot easier to explain. But let's just say I can't remember the last time I cried myself to sleep, and I used to cry myself to sleep at LEAST once a week. I mean, sure, I still have my insecurities, which has led me to tears a couple times in the last couple months... being a single 21 year old girl who STILL has yet to be asked out by a guy is extremely rough.... but that's because I'm upset that guys don't like me... not because I don't like me. Not to sound all prideful or whatever, but I really like myself! haha... I think I'm a pretty nice person! And I really don't see anything TOO bad with how I look... I mean, I've got a wonky nose and a crooked smile that I'm not a huge fan of... but at the same time... meh... they give me character. Separates me from the plastics, right? :) So I really don't mind even those. I just wish guys didn't mind those either hahaha.
Anyway... so this is what I want to say to future Katy: You've been heavy and now you've been thin and you KNOW that there is no question that how you felt when you were/are thin is a million times better than when you were heavy. There really is no greater feeling than living in a strong, powerful, capable, and healthy body. There are no limits to what you can do. Don't give up for the world. It wouldn't be worth it.
Ok. Well, I've gotta get going.. going to England in a couple days for celebration and have things to do! :) I'll start working as a receptionist when I get back and then I'll start training to be a leader :) I'm so happy, there are no words! Thanks to all of you who have been there for me from the very beginning. I love you and feel very blessed to have all of you in my life.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

"I need a minute to get my head straight" ~Imagine Dragons

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!! I am so friggin' giggly! You want to know why?!!? I lost 3.4 pounds this week... for a total of 118.6... BUT DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?!?! IT MEANS I'M FINALLY WITHIN MY HEALTHY BMI RANGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know when (if ever) I was last in my healthy BMI range!! Like, I was the biggest baby out of my brothers and sisters when I was born... ok? So I actually think I've always been on the big side... always overweight for my height/age/sex. But today I am officially healthy!!!! I AM NORMAL!!!!!!! I mean, I'm all for being different and all-- I'm the type who sings musicals and dances in grocery store aisles-- but I'm definitely ok with being termed "normal" in this category :) I've been wanting to be "normal" in this category for a loooonnng, loooonng, time. I've been bursting out in random giggles over it the last few hours. Eventually I'm sure the shock of it will wear off, but right now I'm dealing with it through the giggles. hahahaha.
And, you know, really quick before I move on to the rest of my blog, I want to talk about the wonderfulness of having a good friend/buddy while losing weight. I've been so lucky because my family has been super supportive of me... even though most of them live in a different state than me, they have all been great at helping me keep motivated. Yet, there's something to be said for that friend who lives in the same city as you and is supportive. I have had friends who were definitely not supportive... and it's not like they were all outwardly unsupportive in that they pushed cookies in my face and said I couldn't do it (though some of them did do those things).... but, like, if I had a good week and they had a bad week, they couldn't muster up the excitement for me, or tried to make themselves feel better by downplaying my good week, you know? Or if we both had good weeks, they would make it into a competition: if they lost more, they'd gloat about how they "won", if they lost less, they'd make a big huff about "losing." When I have a good week, I don't want to hear some person justify my loss. I want to be excited!! I don't want to feel guilty about it! So tonight I was at the meeting and there's this girl, Priscilla, who I've gotten to be pretty good friends with over the last month or two-- we're about the same age, both go to the same school, and she has to lose about as much as I had to lose-- anyway, I weighed in before she did and I was super stoked about my great week... and then she found out that she had lost over 4 pounds that week and reached her next 5 pound mark!! Now, this was a huge deal for her for a number of reasons 1) Last weekend she had a birthday to go to that she was super worried about the week before, but she planned it all out and (obviously) did well! 2) She has been yo-yo-ing the last month or two... losing 2 pounds, gaining two pounds, losing three pounds, gaining 2 pounds. It's been terrible for her. And last week she had lost 2 pounds, so she was worried that there was no way she would be able to actually lose again. SHE WAS WRONG! :) But anyway, so she was super stoked and I was super stoked!.... And you know what??? We let each other be super stoked!!! I almost started crying over her accomplishment and she almost started crying over mine :) Throughout the meeting we would get so excited that we would randomly hug each other haha... I am just so happy that I had her with me tonight, you know? I'm glad I had someone who could be happy for me and who I could be happy for without any of the competition stuff. So anyway. That's all. haha
So, I will be quick with this next thing because I don't know if it will really make sense anyway... much less who would really care about this... but it's something I'm having to deal with now. You know, before I started losing weight, I didn't really grasp how big I actually was... I'd look in the mirror or in pictures and think "Oh, that's not really how I look... that's just a weird mirror/bad angle/ *insert chosen justification here*" But now I'm thinking I might be doing the opposite. DON'T HATE ME, PLEASE! Ok, I know I'm not morbidly obese anymore and I don't look morbidly obese... but at the same time, I look in the mirror or at my body and I think one of the two following things: 1) That can't be me. That's just a flattering mirror/good angle/etc. (or, when trying on clothes I'll think "A size small!? Gees, their sizes must run big.") 2) I look bigger than the other "normal" people... like, though I know I don't look super over weight, I still sometimes think I look like I am not as tiny as the other girls who are "normal" you know? It's sorta frustrating, not going to lie, because I feel like I'd need to still lose like 15 pounds 'til I can look like those other girls. I mean, please don't think I'm going to try and look like all the other girls and go underweight trying to achieve that... but I still feel a little... put out?... that I don't look like them. BUT, at the same time, I'm really glad that I don't look like I need to lose 20 pounds. I at least look decent, you know? I can shop in any store (except the plus size stores hehehehe) and find something that'll fit me. THAT FEELS AMAZING!
I really just need to learn to cope with how I really look. I don't know how I'll do that, though. Short of standing in front of a mirror and just studying myself for hours on end, I don't think there's much I can do except forget about appearances and just maintain a healthy lifestyle.... which, really, ought to be the way I look at this. So there you go. I'll, uh, give it my best shot...?? haha
ok, back to doing homework. Thanks again for all your support! Love you all!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

"Shaking what you got til you're sweating our your pores" ~Down

Okay, everyone, let me explain. Last week I really did intend to post... but right before I intended on writing, I had another one of my "attacks." For those who don't know, I've been having slight health issues and it's caused more than a little bit of disruption in my activities haha. Anyway, so I ended up having to go to the ER and staying there til 3:30 IN THE AM, and I still had to get up fairly early for class the next day.. and had to stay up late that next night to do homework... and let's just say I'm still waiting to catch up on sleep.
Anyway, last week I gained .4, but I was just happy that it wasn't more... I was so worried that I had gained like 2 pounds that I almost didn't go to the meeting. But I'm really glad I did because the meetings always make me feel better about the past week and better prepared for the next week. This week I lost .6.... which I know isn't anything big... but at the same time, I'm proud that I lost what I gained and a little more. Right now I've kinda resigned to the fact that from here on out, losing weight will go much slower than what I have been used to.... and not that I'm not working hard for it or anything, but I'm getting close enough to my goal, I think, that it's just a bit more difficult to lose weight because I'm working with so few calories, you know? Does that make sense? Maybe I'm just justifying my lack of focus... but even if I am, this is a process and I need to expect ups and downs. So there you go.
Last week I wanted to write about what we talked about in our meeting which is (sorta kinda) what I just got done talking about... about how to keep going and WHY we should keep going. There were so many good analogies and quotes from this meeting, it was insane.. and the meeting came at JUST the right moment! I mean, I had just gained and was feeling pretty down about it... seriously, I don't think you guys could fully understand the depths of my depression over this gain... because I've put some pressure on myself. I mean, ok... The WW territory manager was totally cool about my weight as of now... I'm within the two pounds of hitting the range that all WW employees need to be within in order to work there... plus, they give you a few weeks to get into the healthy range before taking any sort of action... so I'm really not in any risk of getting in trouble with WW over gaining a pound or two right now.... but personally, I was feeling like I was a failure and a disappointment to the WW people if I gained. Like, it was super embarrassing to have Janet (the local WW leader/receptionist) put that +.4 on my booklet when she knew that I was going to start working there soon.... not that she said or did anything to imply that, but my conscience is super inventive haha. PLUS.. I'll just come right out and say it: There's this guy, ok, and I hadn't seen him in a few months... and though it's not like he'd be able to tell whether I gained a pound or two in the last week (He would probably be shocked at my having lost ten pounds since I last saw him), but I wanted to look really good... and personally I was upset cause I felt like I could've looked better if I had maybe done something more. So anyway, I was feeling pretty craptastic sitting there in WW... and of course my fellow WW buddy, Priscilla, wasn't there to make me feel better... so I was being all sullen and self-pitying and then the meeting started :) Sometimes I get so caught up in the number on the scale that I forget that losing weight (strangely) is not just about the number on the scale. Janet started the meeting out with the headline "Awareness about the person you are becoming" and by asking those of us who have been going for a while the difference we see in ourselves... our personality, habits, etc... since we started and what it exactly means... how does it play out in our daily lives, with our interactions with others, in the activities we do, the things we think, or choose to do. Of course, because I have been going for longer than nearly all the other members there (and because Janet knows I don't mind being 'picked' on haha), Janet asked me specifically to answer the question. So I took a little time to think about it and, really, absolutely everything about me has changed... I honestly feel like a friend I last saw 2 years ago were to see and speak with me now, they'd be completely shocked at the difference. While I'm certainly not going to be walking by a crowd of boys in a swim suit anytime soon, I feel much more confident with myself.... both in appearance and personality. My choices are ALL influenced by my new lifestyle... I walk to school as opposed to driving, I'll willingly (mostly voluntarily) do something... ANYTHING... if it means moving. It may sound weird, but I'm even more willing to go hang out with friends now.... See, before I was always a little uncomfortable with myself so I was uncomfortable with others looking at me and being with me and so on... but now I'm comfortable with how I look and I feel so good that I really don't mind being with people. So I have realized that the person I have become (and the person I am still working towards becoming) is something to be proud about and something to work towards. I am a confident, hard-working, determined girl (woman?) and I am becoming a patient and understanding woman. Janet continued the meeting with the quote "Self Knowledge is the beginning of improvement." ISN'T THAT SO TRUE!?!?! I mean, if I know myself well enough to know that I eat when I'm sad/bored/angry/etc, then I'll better prepare myself and know what to do when I get sad/bored/angry/etc so as to not throw off my progress... For instance, I know that my first instinct when I'm angry is to grab something really greasy and meaty... Mmmm, pizza, burgers, fried chicken-- AND YET-- because I know this about myself, I have started going to the gym instead when I'm angry... there's something about sweating that makes me feel so much better... and I tend to burn more calories than usual when I work out while I'm angry... So not only do I skip out on maybe 1000 extra calories I would've consumed, but I work off probably 200-300 MORE calories than I would've in my regular work out. I feel better in the moment, and I feel WAY better about myself later. BUT... if I do let myself go down the wrong path, I shouldn't wallow in it. Janet used the falling off the bike analogy: When you fall off a bike, you don't just lie in the middle of the road in a heap and think "Well, I might as well just stay here because I messed up." OF COURSE NOT! CAUSE THAT'S RIDICULOUS AND YOU'LL GET RAN OVER BY A CAR! Serious... if you allow yourself to just give up after messing up, then you're essentially giving up on your life... cause this really is about your life-- it's your health! So if you fall off program, don't sweat it... get back on the program and keep going. You owe it to yourself.
Anyway, so, as Forrest Gump would say, that's all I've got to say about that.
I'm kinda nervous about the weekend... I'm going to a birthday party that's being held at the local pasta company and the last time I went there was before I joined WW... and I used to go there fairly often for the multi cheese ziti that was HEAVENLY and SOO not WW approved. But I just looked at their menu and they have a light menu available... so that's a relief.
Ok, so I need to go watch my lovely LOST... Have a good week everyone!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

"SHAKE MY BODY!" ~ Imagine Dragons

So I haven't written in a while... SORRY! Sounding like a broken record, I know. I gained 2.2 the day after my last post... sad, sad day. In my defense, I weighed in at a different scale and at a different time than normal... but yeah, you can't fake out 2.2 pounds. The next week I lost 1.8 of those pounds... AND THIS WEEK!!! I lost 3.4 POUNDS!!!!!!!!! For a total of 115 POUNDS!!!!!!! I just can't believe it. But I'm not going to get too excited about this. Why? Well, see, here's the thing. I went to Utah over the weekend for my nephews' birthdays and for Easter... so there was candy, and an Easter feast, birthday cake, and eating out. I did as good as I could... but I wasn't an angel. I had some cake and I was ALL about those Devil Eggs and Honey Baked Ham my sis-in-law made. So while I did okay, I don't think I did well enough to warrant a 3.4 loss... so I think they weight just hasn't hit yet, you know? Like, it's not like you instantly gain 3 pounds after eating a wedge of Cheesecake Factory cheescake, right? It takes a while, I think, for the weight to show on the scale... So maybe next week it'll show?? I dunno. I'm cautious. We'll see.
So I'm hitting the homestretch! I have 1.4 'til I am in the normal BMI range and 8.4 'til I reach my personal goal! I'm getting anxious! But it's good anxiety, I think, because it's making me jittery... which translates to more activity... which translate to burning calories, and so on. So let's hope we'll get no more of this gaining crap, eh? haha
OK... so now for the REALLY good news! A month or two ago I applied online to be a receptionist for weight watchers and I was emailed back inviting me to a group interview.. there were two options, one a month from then at one WW center in Spokane, and one two months from then at another WW center in Spokane. So I chose the option that was a month away and I emailed back asking for the address of that weight watchers center and got the reply. So a month later (last week) I wake home WAY early (4AM!!!) so I can make it to the 9 AM meeting in Spokane (which is 2.5 hours away, in case you don't know). I get to the meeting place and the WW lady there has absolutely no idea what I'm talking about, but she says maybe she just wasn't informed and asked for me to take a seat. Fifteen minutes pass and still no one else is there. So we decide to call the Territory Manager's cell phone... but she doesn't answer. So then I begin to worry that I read the email wrong... wrong date? Wrong time? Wrong address? So I call up my AMAZING Aunt Tina and ask her to go into my email and look up the info... what do we find? Yes, I was at the address she emailed to me and it was the right time... HOWEVER, when looking back at the first email, we found out that that email said the meeting would be at another center in Spokane... so we try calling that center, but still no one picks up. So the WW lady there tries to explain to me how to get to that center... but, of course, her directions were slightly off and I don't have a GPS system in my car... so I ended up driving around the slums of Spokane for a good half hour before calling my AMAZING Aunt Tina AGAIN in tears over not being able to find this stupid center and being 45 minutes late. I was wondering whether it was even worth it to go to the center... surely because I was so late they would disregard me as a candidate to be a receptionist. But I figured I should at least show up and explain my case and HOPE that they would give me a chance. I showed up and the lady, Julie, was just finishing up the group interview and the first thing she says to me was, "Did you REALLY drive ALL THE WAY from Ellensburg this morning!??!" And I laughed and said "Yes" and she shakes her head and says "I am SO sorry! Usually I go down to Ellensburg for those interviews! Why don't you come sit down and I'll finish with this interview and then we'll have our own interview, ok?" Can I tell you guys how RELIEVED I WAS!??! Holy cow, I wanted to cry. haha. So I started the interview and it actually went really well! It was actually my first REAL interview. My job at the clinic was just sorta given to me because of my dad... and I was hired on the spot at the Weber Bookstore because I was there at the right time... so this was my first real interview. I was a little nervous.. especially when she got to the scenario questions... like "What would you do or say to a person who walks in and shows nonverbal signs of being extremely nervous about weighing in" ... But then I took a breath and thought, "You know what? Forget about strategizing or saying the 'right' answers. I'm just going to be honest, and if that's not good enough, then maybe I really shouldn't work for Weight Watchers." So I just told it how I thought it was.. and apparently that was good enough because at the end of the interview Julie said, "Well, usually I like to have people come back for another interview, but since you're in Ellensburg, I'm just going to hire you right off the bat so you don't have to come, okay?" hahaha.. So I'm going to be a Weight Watchers receptionist!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have to fill out some forms first, but I should start in a couple weeks! I'll be training at the EBurg meeting til I am done with school, and then in summer I will train on the computer system in Tri Cities and (hopefully) get a somewhat full-time job there. Then, around september or October, when I come back to EBurg for school, I will start training to be a Leader! Because I have lost such a significant amount of weight, they want to make sure I am comfortable maintaining this new weight before making me a Leader... so I have to wait 6 months to be a leader... but I think that makes sense. I would be really embarrassed if I became a leader and then had to resign because I couldn't maintain my weight. So this is good! I'M SUPER EXCITED!
Also, I've (somewhat begrudgingly) applied to the WW Role Model of the Year contest. The ladies in Tri Cities asked me to enter and I was urged by my family to do it... and so I started filling out the application and stuff. And then tonight at the meeting when the leader brought up the contest, all the people in the room turned to me and INSISTED I enter this contest. So I told them I was planning on it and they all told me that they would all send letters of endorsement if I needed any hahaha.
I have so much support, it's insane. Thank you, everyone, for everything. I'm so incredibly blessed to have such supportive and encouraging friends. I don't think you guys are fully aware of how much I think about and draw motivation and power from even the slightest kind and encouraging words. When I'm on the treadmill or elliptical or lifting weights, that's all I think about and that's what keeps me moving. So thank you, everyone, for giving me so much motivation. I love and respect you all!

Monday, March 22, 2010

"I'm running, running as fast as I can..." ~ No doubt

Ok, so I'm going to write today because I highly doubt I'll be able to squeeze in a post tomorrow as I am driving to UTAH with my Mom tomorrow RIGHT after my weight watchers meeting! I don't know how I did this week... I'm almost afraid. Because of how things have been going the last few weeks, I'm petrified by everything. I haven't exercised as much this week (3 out of 7 days unless I manage to hit the treadmill tonight, which, let's face it, probably won't happen) and I did go over points yesterday. I dunno. But I guess I'll try not worrying about it. And instead worry about how I'm going to exercise/eat right over Spring Break. I've got some stuff planned out... exercising with my sis in law and little sister is already plotted... but mostly it's in the air.
So two weeks ago at a WW meeting a girl about my age sat beside me and started off talking by telling me that I have become her inspiration because I was someone her age who has lost a significant amount of weight and it's hard to find someone who can relate to the issues of losing weight while in school. So then we started talking about the issues (Roommates who aren't so supportive, parties, eating out, etc.) and how we got through the issues and motivated ourselves to keep going... at the end of the meeting we were both starving and we were both heading to SUBWAY so we decided we'd have dinner together! So while we were having lunch she said it must be pretty easy for me now compared to when I started. I thought about it and, honestly, that's really not true. In fact, it's getting harder the closer I get. When I weighed over 200 pounds, I was eating because I was bored or tired or out of habit, not because I was hungry... so while it wasn't EASY to give up those eating habits, it certainly wasn't a huge issue. Now, though, a variety of issues are coming into play. For one, now I don't have so many points-- so every point counts... and I want to make SURE I eat food that will fill me up... so it makes choosing what I eat a much thought-about, painful decision. I've found I'm more of a quantity rather than quality person. Of course I want it to taste good, but what I really want is to not have my stomach grumbling at 4pm. Plus, when you're hungry, you're going to eat. That's just how it is and how it ought to be (making sure you separate HUNGER from boredom, tired, stressed, etc. eating). So if I don't have a particularly filling meal, I'm either going to go over points, or going to have skimp pretty big on my next meal so I can eat.
Another issue that is coming into play is that I'M SO CLOSE that I think it's kinda wigging me out. It's weird-- because since I AM so close, I want it that much more, but it's like I'm stressing myself out which causes stress eating (which I try to ignore as much as possible) and I think stress does something to how much you actually lose. So it's going by so slowly and that's painful.
Then there's exercising. I used to hate exercising and now I can't think of a better feeling than when I'm stretching out after a full work out. It's INVIGORATING! Some days I think I really could spend the whole day at the gym. But that's because I really love the elliptical/fitness classes/weight machines. Now that I'm trying to mix up my work out, I'm finding that I REALLY miss my regular workout routine hahaha... I've ran a few times since that first time and, honestly, I get so bored with it so fast. I can do it-- I check myself and I know I can keep going-- but IT'S SO BORING!! I tried getting better music to run to, and it didn't really work... tried watching stuff while I run, but my ipod screen is too small so when I run, I go up and down and that little screen also goes up and down and I end up with a massive head ache about 5 minutes later. I think I could do the stationary bikes thing... but after losing 400 calories in a half hour on an elliptical, it's a little tough to swallow 200 calories in the same time, you know? I feel like I have to do MORE and I don't have time to do more. So I want to keep doing my regular elliptical thing, but then I'll get stuck in a rut again... and of course that defeats the whole point in exercising. Fitness classes, though, are turning out to be a saving grace... a work out that changes with each class that is both captivating and high calorie burning. So I'm going to have to really focus in that area.
Anyway... so the point I'm trying to make is that any weight loss, whether it be 12 pounds or 112 pounds, comes with it's own set of difficulties and issues that are difficult as all get out. Don't let anyone tell you or insinuate that you're attempt at losing weight is any less amazing than it is-- because it all is. It's all difficult... no harder for a person who has to lose over 100 pounds than for a person who has to lose 10 because we all have to learn the same lessons to get to that final goal. So congratulations to all those who have lost weight! And I really, honestly, whole-heartledly mean it. You're all inspirations to me! Thanks for all your support!