So I know it's been a while since my last post, and I'm very sorry about that, but I have been a very busy girl! I should be reading even now for class, but there is something I kinda wanted to write about... and it is not SO much weight-related, but it isn't something I'd want to write about on facebook for fear that people will think that I'm talking about a certain someone in particular or even themselves.... or in general just reading too much into it, as is very likely to happen on facebook.
This quarter I am taking the class English Novel, which, as the title suggests, focuses on british novels and how they came about and such. Today the prof discussed how the British novel first came about and it's conventions. She mentioned how novels were special in that they were a combination of romantic and realistic writing, and that they seemed to provide solutions to the problems that their probable readers were having... not so much that by the end of the book society as a whole was better, but rather that the main characters who had an issue were able to resolve it and live happily ever after. My professor used Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen as an example. The bigger problem in the novel is how class division leads to unjustified prejudices. The smaller, specific problem is how Mr. Darcy from the upper class and Miss Elizabeth Bennett from the lower class are unable to see eye to eye at the beginning of the novel because they both have prejudices against each other due to their different classes... However, at the end of the novel, a bridge has been built between these two classes and they are able to resolve their differences with one another, fall in love, and live, presumably, happily ever after. Though that society has not changed.... people still have issues with the meshing of classes (ex: Lady Katherine Debourgh, pardon my spelling)... the problem for the characters we care about have been resolved. My prof barely mentioned that another issue Pride and Prejudice brings up is the problem women have of being able to sort the truly good guys from the charming guys. But at the slight mention of this, my mind started working on that topic. It's true. That is a huge issue in all of Austen's books... Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth needs to decide between Wickham and Darcy-- Wickham is charming, her family loves him, he's the seemingly good man, but it's an act... He is only out for immediate pleasure and for everyone's approval. Darcy is seemingly prideful, her family hates him, but that's only because he doesn't put on an act or show, his good deeds are all the more good deeds because he doesn't flaunt them for everyone to see, he is truly a good man. In Sense and Sensibility, Marianne needs to choose between Willoughby and Colonel Brandon... Willoughby is the charming, fun, young man who her family adores and who she adores because he says and does all the "right" things.... Brandon is older, more poised, more thoughtful, less exciting and thus seemingly "dull", but he is honest, trustworthy, and loyal. In Persuasion Ann must choose between Mr. Eliot and Captain Wentworth.... Mr. Eliot is someone her family loves, looks the part, can bring a title, is charming, says the "right" things, etc.... Wentworth had to work for his title, her family hates him, he doesn't bring a title, but he doesn't put on much of an act, and he is truly a good man (albeit a little misguided in my opinion at times). In Mansfield Park (though I hate the book), Fanny must choose between the charming and rich Mr Crawford and the plain and poor Edward. I'll end there, but I think this is probably why Austen's books have endured for so long... their relatability to things that happen even today. Sure, Austen is clearly advising that women be careful of the man who is simply acting the part, but if she were to stop there, I think her books would not be read as much as they are. She shows exactly how difficult it is for women to decide which is really the good man, and then goes on to show how difficult it is for a woman to defy even her family for the right man.
This is something I've been thinking a lot about lately, actually. Since losing my weight, more guys have become interested... a LOT more interested. And I like it, don't get me wrong, but at the same time, it's made things a lot more complicated. When I say this to my dad, he just laughs and says, "Oh, wa, what a problem to have. Would you rather go back to having no guys interested!?" And, no, that's not what I want, but at the same time, it's still so hard to deal with. Why? Because I dunno which one is the "right" one.... now, hold on a second, and hear me out. No, I don't believe that there is one and only one person for me or for anyone. I may be a romantic, but I know enough that that is not that case. But, as Jane Austen points out so many times, some guys put on acts in order to get the girl he wants or even just to get public acceptance, and some guys are truly good guys, but because of a past or because he doesn't put on an act, not many people would agree that he is a "good" guy, or rather the "right" one. Does that make sense? And before you go thinking that I'm thinking of particular people, that's not exactly the case. Yes, I do have a couple guys in mind while I'm writing this, but the issue is much larger than them. Because one might suggest I just "dump" these couple of guys that I have in my mind and go for a new crowd of guys, but the issue is still the same: How do I figure out which guys are the truly good guys from the ones who are just putting on an act? And why should I "dump" one of the guys because it's not as clear cut as everyone (including me) wants it to be? I mean, my feelings on these guys are pretty clear cut, but the situation is all sorts of confusing and messy. Jane Austen would be rolling her eyes right now and would problem say, "After all the millions of times you've not only read, but watched my novels, you're STILL unsure what to do?? What sort of fan are you!?" And sure, yeah, I know what Jane Austen would have me do-- she'd have me go for the one I know is the better man despite what everyone else thinks and says and just let them come to it on their own. But that's a BOOK. It's fiction. I know I can't base my life off of what happens in a fictional story and what a woman would have said who has been dead for a couple hundred years, and who didn't exactly have a successful romantic life herself. This is the sort of issue I was able to avoid before I lost the weight-- For one, I didn't have numerous guys to choose from... I didn't even have ONE to choose. For another, I don't think guys felt like they had to put an act on for me then because of my weight, does that make sense? Like, they didn't feel like they had to go out of their way, act a certain way to impress me because it's not like they had a lot of competition anyway. Now I think because I look the way I do, guys automatically assume they have competition, and will act a certain way to impress me, "act" being the keyword there.
Anyway, this is an issue I'm trying to deal with. It's getting easier. I have found that though I don't necessarily have to choose the "right" one now, I don't have to deal with the Willoughbys, Wickhams, Eliots, and Crawfords of the world either. I'm hoping that soon I'll be as courageous as Elizabeth, Ann, and Fanny (I won't say Marianne, because she didn't exactly choose, the cruel truth was sorta forced on her)...
Anyway.... sos you all know, I did gain a little over the holiday seasons, but now I'm back on track and hopefully I'll be back to where I want to be SOON! I'm working out again (as my sore muscles would be glad to testify to, I'm sure), eating healthy again (no sneaking chocolates at night... I mean,seriously, who was I trying to kid by eating in the dark and alone? Like somehow that would make it so the calories would not show up on the scale. Oh brother.) and now trying to learn to do it on a more manageable budget. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season! And, for a shameless plug, keep in mind that registration for Weight Watchers is free this month! It's an amazing program that WORKS! I PROMISE!! :)
Have a good one :)